no regrets

 

Was ist heute? Heute ist Dienstag, nicht wahr? Today is Tuesday, and my one commitment today is a 9:00 AM appointment with the dermatology clinic. They will, no doubt about it, cut pieces out of me and bill for it; somebody's got to make the Escalade payments, eh, nomesane?

No, I'm still alive because of them and others who've known what they are doing over my years of life. 

And there's always something about me that needs cutting. In fact it's been observed and said that Mr B has gone off eccentric, if not downright weird at Times. Maybe it's the meds, the little tablets in their plastic containers that ship from GOK where several Times a year: I've been taking them nearly sixteen years now, same Time span as writing this more or less daily nonsense. 

My Meds, the tiny pills, started that October Sunday in 2010 when, pale green of pallor, I was delivered to the ER and The Man asked, "Has anyone ever told you that your EKG is TERRIBLE?" No. "What meds are you taking?" None. "NONE??!!" Nope. 

That was the start of it. I don't think it's the meds, though, I think it's the calendar, nomesane? Same as turning thirty was more than sixty years ago, turning ninety has been and continues everything I ever dreamed it would be. My next birthday is just a couple months off, though, and I'm hoping ninety-one will be much better.

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While I'm on it, "early to bed and early to rise" is baloney or worse, turned out the light at, I think it was nine o'clock last night and up at the stroke of three AM for all the usual reasons, including a trip outside onto 7H porch to visit the Universe and murmur shehechiyanu while my hot & black brewed. 

Just now finishing the last sip of First Mug, along with an early treat of chicken liver on toasted pumpernickel. Life is Good. I enjoy looking back on it to good memories, mindful that for the most part, my bad memories, in memoir type retrospect, were pauses in Frost's yellow wood where my choice of diverging roads took me to better places than I could have dreamed at the Time. Now and then I do go back and revisit, to visualize what might have been. It's a little scary. The fact is, none of the other roads would have ended up here in 7H, and I'd never change What Is. So, shehechiyanu for creating me, and sustaining me, and bringing me to this Time in spite of myself.

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One thing, the main thing I like about the Hebrew prayers that I know and say is that none of them pray for something, none of them ask for anything; they simply bless God, baruch ata Adonai Eloheinu Melek ha-olam, "blessed are you, Lord our God, King of the universe," for WHAT IS.

WHAT IS is life and bread and love. 

And like the ospreys' evolution I was contemplating yesterday, WHAT IS runs a cycle; in best case, one cycle for each of us: laid, hatch, nurtured, fledge, migrate. 

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Shouldn't have eaten the bread, it's putting me back to sleep.

All the same,

RSF&PTL

T90