Four years ago last month this blog began as a daily “medical update” as I left BayMed and moved into a “what next?” phase of searching for a cardiac institute that would accept my challenge. Actually it had begun October 20, Wednesday evening still in hospital after hearing a grim prognosis and the inside observer this time, my private personal journal of my own end of life experience that I had often over the years as a parish priest experienced with and in others. Optimistic, always positive, essentially having no choice, and, priest, a death professional of sorts, I had decided to enjoy it, watch my physical feelings, note my state of mind, observe whether attitudes shifted. Watch, not at all, or at least not yet, anxiously. Record. Hold me up for a look and to ponder. Let me see. Let me see. (takes the skull) Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: he hath borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how ab...

Thursdays child has far to go Hammerhead shark trails ocean kayakers for miles at sea.  Army force reduction shows lack of gratitude for life sacrifice of soldiers and families. Meanwhile, congressmen, senators, make selfish careers of being against. http://www.nytimes.com/2014/11/13/us/cuts-in-military-mean-job-losses-for-career-staff.html?emc=edit_th_20141113&nl=todaysheadlines&nlid=67307615&_r=0 Church leaders lost, bewildered, rebelling because the new pope is for whereas their entire life’s orientation is against. Some bishops need a tour in the military to help them understand authority and that they are under it. http://www.nytimes.com/2014/11/12/us/change-urged-by-pope-francis-is-rattling-hierarchy-of-roman-catholic-church.html?action=click&contentCollection=U.S.&module=MostEmailed&version=Full&region=Marginalia&src=me&pgtype=article Heartbreak. Suicide bomb at school in Nigeria kills nearly fifty boys, ages ten to tw...

If we arrive at a point in life where “everything is about me” we are much to be pitied and of little worth to either self or others. But I keep seeing that split second movie frame of brick sidewalk coming up at me as I try to outrun the stumble, seeing it like a football play rerun though I know that that single frame is not what my game is about. Time to focus elsewhere without being glib, cute or trite. Maybe a smattering of elsewheres. Ouch, don’t say “smattering” please. Michelle sent me a link to yankodesign’s E-TOMB, a concept for gathering memories and data about a dead loved one that folks might like to hold on to and share with each other. I’ve not explored to know fully what E-TOMB is about and how it works, but it looks like a product or service that must be purchased. It’s to be loaded with memories, blogs that a deceased one used to write, anecdotes, pictures, videos, the most loved pet, the trip to Alaska, high school grad night, the first deer, maybe that morn...

Still +Time, So Far It’s Veterans Day and retired military makes me part of it. “Thank you for your service” folks say to me. The ER nurse at BayMed who tended to me after my fall Sunday was a twenty-plus year veteran, a retired Marine Corps officer. When I told him I was a retired Navy commander with twenty years and served with Marines during the Vietnam War, we found that we had served in the same class ships. Thank you for your service. What brought me to this point of thought in the wee hours: awareness of a new anxiety at getting out of bed, walking in the dark and facing the stairs. Veterans Day morning string research online, googling how to overcome fear in combat segues to falling among the elderly fades to a new acronym: FOF. Never heard of it. Common among the elderly. Fear of Falling. I’ve now fallen five times in the past six months, each time unsettling, bloody ugly and painful, and yet another lesson in care, how to get up, how to turn, this time to look down and ...

Good morning. I am fine after my stumble and fall.  Not posting more pics, but if I were choosing a face for my scariest possible Halloween costume, this would be it. Including the drool because the lips won't close tight. Thanks to all for all the kindness, prayers, best wishes, and love! Tom Tom

Don’t go walkabout Yesterday , I might think but it wasn’t, it was this morning, twelve hours ago, between services I was walking about after Sunday School waiting for the ten-thirty service. Spotting a loved one’s car stopping in front of the church, I headed in that direction but stumbled over something, maybe one of the car stoppers, maybe a brick, maybe my imagination, not unlikely my shadow, stumbled, couldn’t right it, fell smash down on my face on the sidewalk. What a schlemiel. Blood all over the place, a siren screaming. My blood, an ambulance coming for me .  The way to avoid embarrassment is to keep your eyes shut so people can’t see you. What goes through the mind? Mark Twain, wasn’t it, said of being tarred and feathered and ridden out of town on a rail, if it weren’t for the honor of the thing, I’d rather walk. Don’t mind me, that’s not me that’s pics of Father Bozo alive and well. CT scan showed nothing broken, brain in place, ugly as sin.  ...

What comes to the surface, something just bubbles up doesn’t it. Flotsam like bits from a sinking ship or depth-charged submarine breaking up, one never knows. It’s Sunday morning, my too early breakfast was black coffee and salmon salad rolled up in a leaf of butter lettuce.  Kristen is home from college for the weekend, Friday evening we went to Sue’s on 390 for supper. Always good, about the same menu as their ancestor J Michael’s at PCB except that Sue seems to have toned down the peppery cole slaw. Linda had rutabagas. Kris will be driving back this afternoon, putting her Papa in the insane asylum for hours waiting for the text “I’m here.”  Sunday School this morning: what? A bit of Wisdom literature and then if there’s time, discuss Paul’s promise to the Thessalonians that those who die before Jesus returns will not be left out of the apocalypse. In fact, a trumpet will sound and they will be raised first and raptured to the clouds along with the living, eve...