roads in Time
So many things to say to myself, and yet my mind refuses to be organized enough, long enough, to hold them together. So
Maybe I'll start with breakfast. No, coffee. I stretch my coffee club coffee to make it last until just a day or few before the new month's bag arrives. Membership in a coffee club adds to life's happy anticipations, and the June chapter should arrive about June 5th or so.
Now breakfast. This Time of year in 1954, when I arrived home from my freshman year at UF Gainesville, my mother taught me a treat. A hamburger-size very lean ground beef patty on a slice of whole wheat bread, up near the burner in the oven, to broil long enough to char the meat on the outside, but leave it raw inside. Salt and pepper to taste. Nowadays I buy a package of 96% or 97% lean ground beef, turn the stove burner on HIGH, turn on the fan and open both doors, and, while two slices of Dave's good seed bread toast in the toaster oven, in the sizzling hot skillet, sear a thin patty of the beef charred crisp on each side but totally red raw in the center. Smear mayo (finishing up that jar of Blue Plate) on both slices of toast, lay my hamburger patty on the toast, and enjoy with another cup of hot & black.
What's going on? AI is suggested as not unlikely precipitating Earth's next mass extinction event: say what, the machines we create will solve The People Problem their way? Shades of Genesis 11, the Tower of Babel. How many mass shootings over Memorial Day Weekend, Americans arming ourselves, not for essential self-protection, but in case we get a chance to shoot someone. In the spreading European War, Ukraine drone missiles hit Moscow neighborhoods; in Time, this will erupt as WWI did, someone taking the assassination of a high national figure as the affront that gives the excuse to launch All Out Total War. Governor thinks he can be elected President by showing his axe as a budding would-be petty dictator by bullying the state's major employer, seizing control of the state's public education system, and banning books, Alas, Kristallnacht. In road rage, a towering bully of very little brain chokes a much smaller pizza delivery driver and throws him to the ground unconscious with brain bleed: like drunk driving that kills innocent people, road rage that results in personal harm should be made a capital crime (no, I'm dead serious, we should be held responsible with our lives for our decisions and actions that destroy the lives of others).
As well as mostly humdrums if you let yours be dull, life is a short Time of highs and lows. Of lows, on a moment's notice yesterday, we drove to Bonifay to be there when the van arrived from Pruitt Health, transferring Malinda to Bonifay Nursing & Rehab. It was a withering Time of If Looks Could Kill, conveying searing outrage. Second Time this has happened in my life, in 2011 with my mother and now with a daughter: I pray this does not happen in your family. The guilt and shame. But have enough sense to examine the roads, including those not taken. Looking back forty-five years, a decision to smoke tobacco almost unceasingly has done serious work on blood vessels in the brain; some smokers get away with it and only harm those around them with secondary smoke, some smokers develop lung cancer, some smokers develop weak blood vessels with bursting aneurysms, multiple brain surgeries, and strokes. Lesson for helpless family: this is extremely difficult to deal with emotionally; step back and be deliberately rational in your responses, and don't be consumed with the shame and guilt that only widens the self-destruction.
In my half-life as priest and pastor, I have found, am finding, that everything that happens to me in life strengthens my ability not only to help others, but also to deal with my own Time as it develops day to day. Lord have mercy. Christ have mercy. Lord have mercy.
Below, a poignantly relevant essay in my email this morning. Life is a process of "becoming" in which every decision and action makes us who we are continually evolving to become, not only as a species, but each of us as individuals. I am not whoever or whatever I was before following an ambulance to Pensacola in May 2018, and I leave May 2023 having followed another to Bonifay, as something or someone yet even more Other yet still not a finished product, still experiencing and becoming. Even so, amen, come, Lord Jesus, maranatha, so be it.
Before reading Jonny Thomson's essay from The Well, a couple of permanently lifelong favorites that stay in my mind
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Somewhere, perhaps unknown to you, someone is following you as you make your way through life, going your way if only because they know no other way to go. The power of leading others is inevitable ... (clipped from the worship bulletin at First Baptist Church, Gainesville, Florida one Sunday morning, Spring 1956)
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How can I face the stars we've planned, how can I bear love's deeper dart, when merely holding one small hand uses up nearly all my heart? (don't remember)
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He lives to learn in life's hard school, how few who go above him, lament their triumph and his loss, like her, because they love him. (Whittier, "In School Days")
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They Cast Their Nets in GalileeThe poem His Peace appeared in the 1924 book Enzio's Kingdom and Other Poems by William Alexander Percy.The last four verses of the poem became the hymn They Cast Their Nets in Galilee, and entered the Hymnal 1940 with the tune Georgetown, composed by David McK. Williams in 1941. The tune received its name out of friendship for F. Bland Tucker, who was then rector of St. John's Church, Georgetown Parish, D.C. His PeaceI love to think of them at dawnBeneath the frail pink sky, Casting their nets in Galilee And fish-hawks circling by. Casting their nets in Galilee Contented, peaceful fishermen, Young John who trimmed the flapping sail The peace of God, it is no peace, Poem's moral: life is strife that is only completed as dirt is shoveled onto your grave. |
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“Death,” he writes, “presents itself as both inevitable and impossible.” You can know rationally that you will die, yet struggle to understand your nonexistence. Put another way, you cannot be conscious of your own nonconsciousness.
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The Road Not Taken
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Not "in your face" but it matters not to me that I keep repeating myself with poems and hymns, it's my blog, nicht wahr?
RSF&PTL
T
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“Death,” he writes, “presents itself as both inevitable and impossible.” You can know rationally that you will die, yet struggle to understand your nonexistence. Put another way, you cannot be conscious of your own nonconsciousness.
Image: Bonifay 308