last Saturday in March 2023

Sean of the South is testament to the total selfishness that suicide can be. Talked about in his column with extraordinary frequency, Sean Dietrich will never heal from the damage his father John Dietrich brought down on Sean when John killed himself. Sean, who adored his father, was (what?), eleven years old, as I recall. Sean is tormented by what his father did to him.

Deep in depression, despairing of life, is a main reason why people of all ages take their own lives. As a parish priest, I have officiated the funerals of several suicides, experiencing first hand the questioning, soul-searching, uncomprehending, agonizing grief of surviving loved ones. Their ultimate question comes down to a fact: he didn't love me enough to tolerate his suffering just because of me, to live for me.

It is the hundred-eighty-out diametrical opposite of the Man on the Cross. In the case in mind this morning, stirred by Sean's column for today, it comes home again that Sean is emotionally damaged beyond healing, for lifetime. Suicide is the ultimate sin because it is the ultimate act of Unlove. Imagine doing that to someone who counts on you to love them.

And yet forgiveness, absolution. Not to devolve into pietistic theological nonsense, and I will not go into exceptions, e.g., jumping from Twin Towers instead of waiting to be burned to death. I'm thinking of Sean, and of the suicides I have buried as priest and pastor: forgiveness. The forgiveness of God, who, according to Christian doctrine, experienced and personally understands human pain and sorrow. Also, the forgiveness of those left behind, perhaps, in Time. But understanding, comprehension of the ultimate, lack of love, never comes.

Enough.

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It's a little early in their arrival window to expect them to show up and take up another nesting season, but already I'm watching the osprey nest at Boulder County Fairgrounds in Colorado. As happened last year until the locals intervened, geese have taken over the empty osprey nest, the mother goose has already laid several eggs in the nest. I don't understand geese, but she doesn't seem to stay and keep them warm, maybe that's not required for goose eggs? IDK.

This nest has been occupied by seasonally resident ospreys for more than twenty years; for the last eight or ten years or so, I've been watching and enjoying it myself, the evolution and circle of life.

And, I don't participate, there's a group of folks who watch and converse and worry, who already are watching hopefully for the first osprey to arrive from wherever they winter over. I'm watching too. I don't WANT to see a fight, but if there's a fight, I'll be rooting for the ospreys.

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What else this morning? Keep it short, T, enough is enough.

RSF&PTL