Saved!

This hasn’t happened before, leastwise, not this time of day, predawn darkness, coming out on the back screen porch and realizing immediately the door clicks that it’s locked. Seeing I’m not one for hiding a key outside, I’m well and truly locked out ‘til Linda wakes up and comes downstairs. 

Ah well. Here with MacBook and coffee. This isn’t the first time. One of these days I’ll change the lock type on that door so this can’t happen yet one more time again.

Years ago, Kristen would have been about two, I took her out on the upstairs front screen porch. She went back into the bedroom, pushed the door shut, and slid the bolt, locking her in and me out. I panicked that something would happen to her with me locked out. She became frightened at the alarm in my voice and started crying instead of following my instructions to unlock the door and let Papa in. Don’t recall how that resolved except once I was back inside I removed the slide-bolt. In extremis I could’ve kicked in a window, but it wasn’t necessary.

It’s five o’clock and, except for the security light on this side of the house, still black as pitch, shorter daylight these days and getting shorter. Not as cool, dry and pleasant out here as yesterday, but a fan stirs breeze and it’s quiet. Last year we had the raccoon episode, they were seen lurching by in the darkness, but no more now we’ve had all the trees cut way back so they can’t get up on the roof.

Linda’s little garden is nice here at the back corner, half visible near the security light. During renovations a dozen years ago, we put risers against the back fence and steps for potted plants. It looks nice, makes this a garden spot instead of storage for ladders and stuff.

Still locked out, waiting to be saved. Robert Jenson, theology professor at Gettysburg my years there, had a section on salvation. Soteriology is the word, soter being the Greek word for saviour. What does it take to be -- saved, whatever that means? Do you have to believe? Jenson would ask, suppose you don’t believe? Do you believe? No? Do you want to believe? No? Don’t you wish you wanted to believe? Well, yes, OK, maybe. Saved!! 

Seems to me that a theology of having to believe in order to be saved -- still not certain what saved means -- puts my eternity in my own hands, bootstrap salvation, instead of in the mercy of God’s love. Do I have to clinch my fists, squint my eyes shut, grit my teeth, grimace my face, turn my head toward heaven and say I really, really believe - or can I stand here tentatively, struggling with doubt? 

Speaking of salvation, there’s Linda opening the back door and going out on the back porch for her News-Herald. And I didn't believe she would be down this early. Saved!

Thomas