monday ramble

'Twas the Night before Christmas, and now 'Tis the Day after Fathers Day and back to what for years was an enjoyable and arguably heart-healthy routine: a few squares of dark chocolate with my first cuppa, mugga hot & black.

Of late, rising Time seems to have been a bit later, three o'clock inching toward four, or even later - - five o'clock a couple of mornings last week; and once as late as six o'clock. Why? as I recall, because I was up late night playing something, one or all of the several solitaire games that I credit with exercising my brain in the same way that I think Linda's crossword puzzles do for her (we pinch and print them from NYT, The Atlantic, The New Yorker, WaPo and other sources) - - or watching online films and documentaries - - last week I watched several of a serial of about 45 minutes each of fascinating reports by a former German SS Waffen non-com, narrating (English translation) his day by day experience living into and through the collapse of the Third Reich and end of World War Two, and I was up closer to midnight than our usual nine o'clock lights out.

The SS soldier's story changed him from a monster in my mind into a human being, except that his ongoing personal loyalty mindset, evidently so ingrained and natural to him, remained extremely disturbing. From a German POW camp in the United States for a couple years after the War, he melded into our society as a baker, his pre-war occupation, and went on with his life as an American. Mindful that some things cannot be forgiven and must never be forgotten, his story brought unsettlingly to mind Elie Wiesel's book "The Murderers Among Us" - - which I think is in a large stack of books in a cart to be donated to a local library as I try to clear out books I know I will never read again.

For many long years accustomed to starting my day with a mug of hot & black and brain exercise ignited by nibbles of dark chocolate, there's always a sense of alarm and having overslept if/when I open my eyes to broad daylight. Things, notably Time, happen in the pitch black dark of early predawn that, if one oversleeps, are missed and cannot be recovered.

For many decades, "dark-thirty" - - very early dark predawn is my thinking Time. As the sun dawns into busy busy, life and Time become no longer mine alone.

In several different sources, have read three or four long essays online this morning. One, probably a Fathers Day print, a woman's refutation of Freud's notion of "father issues" and her defense of her success as a mother in spite of growing up with an absent and when present unloving, abusive father. In my opinion, her discussion of what she intentionally did for herself over the years to overcome her upbringing actually affirmed rather than refuting Freud. Many women, daughters, may not realize and tackle their issues as purposefully as she did.

The other essays, I got pictures; one, that today is Juneteenth, reminding me that our own Euro-White Christian American is not the only thing there is in life, that others also have sacred memories to honor with holiday observances. This one, Juneteenth, is special, as for example is MLK Day in January because Dr King's wife asked that, if there was to be a memorial to Dr King it be the day of his birth not the day he was assassinated. And there are Cinco de Mayo, and Kwanzaa, holidays when others than us observe their heritages. If we Whites cannot respect that others also need to honor their memories, then we dishonor our own claim to be followers of Christ and are not worth the powder to blow us to Hell. The final and ultimate Baptismal promise is not "Do you believe?" but "Will you strive for justice and peace among all people, and respect the dignity of every human being?" and if we are not living into that promise, then we are, as St Paul said, "eating and drinking damnation."

Another, an article about a meteorite that will hurtle closely by Earth today, that caught my eye because the space object was described as the size of five alpaca animals, a startling likeness. One hopes that the next so-called "extinction event" meteorite will not be in our own lifetime, or in the lifetime of those we love.

Which occurs the notion that just as my great-great-great grandfather did not love me, I cannot love my great-great-great-great-great granddaughter if she ever lives in Time and space, we could if we would love her by our actions and attitudes. That is to say, we could if we would, but we won't so we can't. God help her.

The other article I read this morning was in line with my central personal interests, explorations, astonishingly aided by images that are coming back from NASA's James Webb Space Telescope, into the origins of the Universe. Phillips, "Your God Is Too Small" and the melding of the Big Bang with Genesis 1:1f - - from yVAH, the Word ye-HI - - Truth visualized beyond his own imagining and comprehending by someone we "know" only as "P" - - and bursting into something inconceivably enormous - - still growing, evolving, expanding today, in our Earth-years, some 13.8 billion years on.

Which continues to open questions, including the almost nonsensical answer to the logical question, "What WAS before the Big Bang?" - - nothing, not even Time, because Time only exists in space, and before the Big Bang there was no space. Which, further, begs the question about Multiverse, with an untold infinite number of Universes besides our own.

Pantokrator, Creator of all that is, seen and unseen - - is he/it real? In my own Time, did he actually answer me, "I AM speaking to you, Tom Weller." Is there really that sort of Personal Intelligence around us, caring about each of us?

IDK, and that's okay, because Hebrews 11:1 says faith is not certainty, but the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. That has to be close enough and good enough, eh?

RSF&PTL

Breakfast: the last of my Fathers Day ribeye steak before we head for Bonifay!!