Forgive and Be Forgiven

Daily Office Lectionary Year One for the week of 5 Epiphany (BCP 946) reads through the tenth chapter of Mark. Jesus is moving about here and there, and about mid-week he has this familiar encounter:

Mark 10:17-19. As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his knees before him. “Good teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?” “Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good—except God alone. You know the commandments: ‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, you shall not defraud, honor your father and mother.’”

What Jesus says to those around him in Mark this week has to do with love instead of self-centeredness. When does natural immature human self-centeredness resolve into maturity and lovingkindness? Varies by person, doesn’t it. Some folks may never go through the selfish stage. Some may enter and never emerge. For some it may be a moment of Epiphany years later. For most people the self-centeredness may be a necessary stage of maturing and becoming independent. But even though natural we need to move out of it in due course; and it may be less hurtful to those who love us if we are at least self-aware while we are there and try to remember that love is kindness, thoughtfulness.

Looking back seemingly eons, I have regrets that have taught me oodles as I have aged, matured. My grandfather adored me, and as a little boy and growing up I adored him. But as I grew into senior teens and adulthood I had less and less time for him. It's only natural, isn't it. I had my own life to go about. My own interests to pursue. High school, romance, university, career, family, graduate studies, navy assignments. When home I took less and less time for him, less time to visit him. I might be in town a weekend, or a week or more without ever bothering to see him. More than once over the years my father said, "You need to go see Pop while you are home, he knows you are here," and it fell on deaf ears because I had my own business to be busy with. I know that I paid him scant attention when he longed for it most. My grandfather was hurt that i know of, and probably far more than I will ever know. He died in 1964 while we were stationed in Japan. It was many years before I realized how self-centered and unloving I had been. Not until a grandson moved far away and let me go from his life did I know the sadness and loss, and perceive the generational pattern and remember Pop. “Honor your father and your mother.” With a bit of kindness and attention I could have made him feel more loved and I could feel differently about myself now.

How can I make amends? Half a century later how can I make it up to him? By being aware. By helping my 98-year-old mother feel loved and cared for. By touching Chaos or Eternity in some way: remembering Alfred and honoring in my life that oldest son whom my grandparents loved so dearly; doing a lovingkindness that may somehow stir someone after me also to do a lovingkindness years and miles and decades or ages hence. Perhaps this morning by raising the awareness and perception of someone who reads my words.

I may never make it up, but I can try.

I can understand. I can wait.

I can forgive and be forgiven.

I can love.

TomW+

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