Talking Beasts?
In our Tuesday morning Bible Seminar for the Epiphany Season we learned about the Apocrypha, talked about all of the books, read the complete texts of the shorter ones, synopsized the most interesting stories that were too long to read in our seventy minute sessions, read passages from others.
For the Season of Lent we shall be having a look at some of the New Testament apocryphal books. There are dozens of them, including gospels, acts, epistles, apocalypses, and others. Our focus will be on noncanonical gospels, learning of their existence, and reading from the more prominent ones. For example, many scholars count the Gospel of Thomas, which predates the canonical gospels, nearly as important for scholarship as the four canonical gospels. And the same with the so-called Q Gospel, which is a modern construct of all the verses that are not in Mark but are common to Matthew and Luke. The Gospel of Peter is interesting, and so is a fragment called Secret Mark. And there are many others. We shall explore a bit.
Getting into the New Testament apocrypha is sort of like climbing into a dark cave with a flashlight and beginning to glance round to see what all is there and who may have been there in the past. There’s a treasure trove, and one cannot help stopping to open this book and that jar and look, there's an old scroll, let's see what’s inside. Some of the apocryphal acts are fascinating and some have incredible tales and fables. Here’s one from the apocryphal Acts of Paul, an episode that apparently has been found only in a Coptic fragment.
I [Paul] went out, accompanied by the widow Lemma and her daughter Ammia. I was walking in the night, meaning to go to Jericho in Phoenicia. ... There came a great and terrible lion out of the valley ... But we were praying, so that through the prayer Lemma and Ammia did not come upon the beast. But when I had finished praying, the beast had cast himself at my feet. I was filled with the Spirit and looked upon him, and said to him, “Lion, what do you want?” But he said, “I wish to be baptized.” I glorified God, who had given speech to the beast and salvation to his servants. Now, there was a great river in that place; I went down into it and he followed me. ... I myself was in fear and wonderment, in that I was on the point of leading the lion like an ox and baptizing him in the water. But I stood on the bank ... and cried out, saying, “You who dwell in the heights ... who with Daniel shut the mouths of the lions, who sent to me our Lord Jesus Christ, grant that we escape the beast, and accomplish the plan which you have appointed. When I had prayed thus, I took the lion by his mane and in the name of Jesus Christ immersed him three times. But when he came up out of the water he shook out his mane and said to me, “Grace be with you!” And I said to him, “And likewise with you.”
The theme of talking animals is not unheard of in scriptural texts, Balaam and the talking donkey at Numbers 22 and mentioned at 2 Peter 2. My favorites are outside the dark cave, the talking animals in the Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis. Aslan the Lion, and most especially Puddleglum, the frog-like marshwiggle.
Not to mention Kermit the Frog.
Speaking of talking frogs, somehow or other, the below story from the internet, a story which I entirely disclaim and renounce, snuck into my blog post this morning without my knowledge. Not recommended, it is in bad taste and totally out of character for my blog, but it would not delete. Please do not read it.
TW+
A man takes the day off of work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit. 9 Iron". The man looks round and doesn't see anyone so he tries again. "Ribbit. 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! he hits a birdie. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog eh?" The frog reply's "Ribbit, Lucky frog. Lucky frog."
The man decided to take the frog with him to the next hole. What do you think frog?", the man asks. "Ribbit 3 wood." was the reply. The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "Ok where to next?" The frog reply, "Ribbit Las Vegas".
They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "Ok frog, now what?" The frog says "Ribbit Roulette". Upon approaching the roulette table the man asks," what do you think I should bet?" The frog reply, "Ribbit $3000 black 6." Now, this is a million to one shot that this would win but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel.
He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You won me all this money and I am forever grateful." The frog replies, "Ribbit, Kiss Me". He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him he deserves it. All of a sudden the frog turns into the most gorgeous 16 year old girl in the world.
"And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room".