Let's remember

From Massalina Bayou, StAndrewsBay & the Gulf of Mexico, to the Atlantic Ocean, to the Pacific Ocean, to Conodoguinet Creek & the Susquehanna River, to Apalachicola Bay, back to StABay, to seventeenth floor Gulf front; now third floor a few blocks back, there’s no view of the sea here. I’ve not lived so far from the sea for long years, and before the sea it was creekside. Life goes back more than the Bible’s forty years, paradoxically, into Navy years, since I’ve lived out of sight and sound of water, must have been Ohio or inland Northern Virginia. 

So now, hurrication as the Time of Trial, a test, an Opportunity for an old man: can I be a fish out of water permanently - - that is, as permanent as life can seem at age - - have my Being away from the sea? 

We are scheduled to live here in Building 3, 3rd floor another week, then, so balcony rails can be repaired on this building, move across the swimming pool to a newly repaired building. My hope for that next move, though not earnest, is to be fourth floor with a view over the trees to the sea. But if not no worries as the Opportunity will simply continue.

Examen: in Jesuit living there’s a daily examen of one’s life, its holiness, quality, purpose, living into the Will of God as one perceives it for oneself, examining how one is doing in living one’s objectives. Here in this Time of retreat and trial, I have a private corner chair with a window giving light, for contemplation, examen, muse, write, muse, realize. What.

That happiness, satisfaction, my joy in life, exists where I feel accepted as I am, loved, cared for, respected, wanted. Perhaps needed, but more respected, wanted and accepted as-is. The late Reverend Canon Bryan Green used to say “just as you are, the way you are.” 

That’s not general in life though. How have I responded? How have I dealt with? How have I, versus how might I have or how should I have, responded? Good for hurrication contemplation while feeling lost, to think and observe oneself: how do I Deal With - - that this far along I might want to examine, consider, change - - disagreements, differences, disappointments, absence of my life needs as lightly described above. How? I’ve changed my circumstances, left, quit, resigned, made other arrangements. Run, in some cases I’ve run. With a lifelong aversion to being where I’m not wanted, I leave, have left. Moved on. Never changed, simply moved on. This time I have other people to consider; how major or even decisive a factor is that? In sum and coming up tails, how to respond now, when I do not want to return home, and feel I may never, but to go, run, move on. 

December 7th. Pearl Harbor Day. Let’s remember. That deadly vicious bitterly hated murderous enemies can and may in time become allies, even friends. And vice versa. Maybe mainly vice versa; let's remember.