perspective: Nor a verity
D H Lawrence, how do I remember him -> he wrote "Lady Chatterley's Lover" that was making the scandal rounds at some time during my life's lusty teens, meaning that we all had to read it, especially the filthy parts, but I read it all. Too, DH wrote poems, was a poet: from his pen, yesterday's poem-a-day was Winter-Lull -
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Winter Lull in the oblivion of singing: birds on a wire.
And so to dream: believe me, you aren't in them, so relax. Or, eat your heart out.
Though some said it thundered.
Sunday afternoon waiting for the birthday party, relishing cooking aromas, loving loved ones as I heard them talking and laughing in the main room, alone in the west room with shades up and sun warm on my back, I reflected on both dis-and-encouragements of the day, read a professional article on retirement and its implications addressing not https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ969555.pdf
financial but psychological factors. Whereof except for what 2018 dumped on, I seem to be doing okay, retired in 1978 age 42, in 1998 age 63. Have had forty-one years retirement from the Navy, twenty years retirement from parish ministry. Thanks to HNEC, HNES, Grace, HNEC, StThomas, HNEC, still doing in retirement, and thoroughly enjoying, a few things with fair competence, taking into consideration age and impatience with self as well as straining the lovingkindness of good souls tolerating me and my pauses while I try to recover my train of thought. This will not last forever, but life is good while it does, and every day is a beautiful day.
Driving into PC this morning for early appointment with insurance adjuster for a second look at 7H. Appearance of only light damage a few days after HMichael was dashed a few weeks later when I went in to find our condo nothing but ribs, a zebra carcass after the hyena feast.
A toilet on the porch.
What's bothering me then. Sudden and unexpected, 2018 was life-changing in fundamental ways, laying on stress that at times has seemed unbearable. I don't intend forever to whine, but grief, dangerous anger, all the negative emotions. Yet we are safe, fed, clothed, housed if far from home; daughter is alive, so life itself is good. The retirement article talks about, among other things, that life and retirement bring the unexpected and unplanned-for. I am flexible and ready to go but were I to go the stress could be deadly, and so I shall see it through.
Winter-Lull, what appeals or stops cold? I'm thinking it's the silence, nullity, the uninterrupted silence. But DH is wrong in saying "disastrously silence-bound" because silence is no disaster at all, it's simply the way of all flesh.
High right, Venus. Lower, Saturn (it's Jupiter, Hoopiter, see even you must abide my goofs). They are to be in conjunction on January 22. Hurrication condo, a perfect place to observe all manner of whatever appears to be: eternity, creation, operation of our Solar System, Storm clouds gathering over Bay County, an automobile waiting for the traffic light to change, an insect on the porch rail, my angst about what was over against what is, my stomach rumbling.
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