Saturday, November 12, 2016

were one day

Fires in Carolina, Georgia, Alabama so fierce the smoke drifts our way. Apparently there was smoke smell here yesterday, I missed it, but clouds Friday evening look to be mixed with smoke. Anyway, with this sky, losing daylight savings time, 2:50 Friday afternoon looks and feels like six o’clock in the evening. 

Thursday a busy day, don’t recall how or why. For supper we treated ourselves to pizza at Enzo’s, pizza and their iceberg lettuce wedge with blue cheese dressing, bacon, onions. Ice water, a Stella. 8” supreme for L, 10” double anchovies for me but after my half of the wedge I couldn't eat half my pizza, so go-box. Whatever happened to the more subtle and disclaiming “doggy bag”? Friday evening, supper with Kris, blessing and a treat. Finishing the last two little squares (at Enzo's Pizza they cut it into neat little squares instead of triangle slices) right now, with my glass of lemon water.
Friday evening Carolina smoke in the air makes me sneeze and I may go inside. But this is where I AM. I promised myself to keep reading, and I am keeping my promise, and I AM finding myself. This is where I AM. . I don't think PresDonald will be Candidate Donald, I think those who voted for him because of what they heard from him and saw in him, and not because of hatred of Hillary, will be grievously disappointed: early on, very early on, I thought I saw a fairly compassionate man who was "pro" all the things the XNRT hate; but his campaign strategy was sheer bullshevism as a friend says, populism to get votes. I don't expect the SA to storm down Beck Avenue roughing up everyone who isn't wearing an armband. But grievously for me, I don't think I will ever be able to understand those who did this whom I know to be so kind and who do not fit the uneducated angry blue-collar demographic. This is where I AM. For those who did this, I cannot understand, I cannot understand, I cannot understand. Southerner in my beloved home, I cannot understand. Half my country, I cannot understand. We are not One. I AM at loss. The piece I quoted in yesterday’s blogpost made clear the failure is mine, the onus on me that I cannot understand because of where I AM in the American lineup, I have failed to understand or even to realize that I do not and cannot possibly understand the other side, their view, that demographic, and I accept that. I cannot understand why elect a candidate who is even more offensive to so many Americans than the pickup trucks that spitefully, hatefully, arrogantly, ignorantly, detestably speed through traffic breezing a huge CSA battle flag. Why? When all is said and done, solely because what he says and does is what we are after all. 

In his gracious goodness, our bishop urged our prayers for unity afterward, to come together. I do not see that possibility in my theology, in my prayers -- the answer to prayer not being something we move God to do but something faith moves us to do -- in my preaching, in my hopes, in my faith, in my love, in my failure to understand what has been done, in my understanding of the God of Jesus Christ, or on my moral compass. I cannot unite with the evil that, promised, was voted in. I do not belong. Not understanding, not condemning, wondering what’s so different and so wrong with me, I withdraw, sit down, or even leave the room. Renouncing nothing, neither holy orders nor citizenship, I am not yet clear what this means, but no Dixiecrat, I withdraw and sit down to spectate. America, loving thee, I thought we were one; but I never knew ye. I never knew ye. Mea culpa, I never knew ye.

Port of Panama City quite active Friday evening, first of two ships I watched departing:

Again four o'clock Saturday morning, string of departing lights

And finally darkness before the dawn. The evening and the morning were one day and Sabbath dawns.

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